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is silence a language?
silence is misleading
what you want your silence to say
why speaking out is more productive
I have often wondered about this query.
No one knows how to use silence more than teenagers and adults.
Children are less complicated human beings and usually honest to a fault.
If a child wants something he or she goes right ahead and asks - even boldly demands - for it.
And if he or she doesn't like or want it?
They say it out exactly as it is!
Oh, they can sulk most of the time, but is that the same thing as silence?
I don't think so. Sulking is an active form of protest which usually carries along with it traces of grumbling - even thumb sucking - and other body language demonstrations which you simply can't ignore.
Have we all not been there before?
In my own view, children have not yet learnt the art of using silence for their purposes - at least not the way we adults have.
You can easily predict how they are going to show their approval or disapproval most of the time.
They cry out.
They grumble.
They weep.
They throw tantrums.
They sulk.
They ask or make demands loudly.
They openly protest.
I ask again, is silence a language?
If it is, can it be interpreted?
If it can, will it be accurate or correct?
It's a fact that we have all experienced several instances when we have been faced with silent responses.
Did we understand that language, or did we wish or would have preferred the other guys had spoken out?
That last time you asked your friend for a favour and instead of orally answering you, all he or she did was to just stare at you?
What signal did you extract from that?
Was it a language or communication you understood?
Did it mean a Yes or a No?
How can you be sure that was the answer?
The problem with silence as a form of interaction, is that there's no clarity or certainty about what it is saying.
For example, the same instance of silence can either mean an approval, or a disapproval, depending on circumstances, environment and other dynamics. It's simply not direct and straightforward as when you say it out.
And using silence to interact is certainly not safe, reliable or credible, because conclusions drawn from it can easily be denied at any time.
Only you can know what you mean to express, unless you spill it out.
Where there is a population of mind readers, who knows, you may not need to open your mouth. After all, they can pluck the words right out of your mind, not so?
Yet, even at that, they can't follow you everywhere you go, can they?
At some point you will find yourself relating with ordinary people who can't read beyond the expressions on your face.
Then you will just have to go right on and open your mouth, if you want anyone to hear your views or understand what you are selling or preaching.
It's as simple as that.
For example, you can't be a sales agent moving from place to place selling your products, without making sales pitches - and it's not just about handing out advert leaflets or pamphlets, you've got to speak out and answer questions from prospective customers too.
Again, can you imagine a preacher or spiritual leader who just stands facing his congregation saying nothing, or a politician at a party campaign or fundraising function, who merely smiles at party members and keeps mum?
The point I am driving at is very clear.
It is only possible for people to become aware of your viewpoint or plan or idea, when you express it openly - whether in writing or orally.
Have you forgotten that you are most likely going to be invited to orally defend your project, thesis or dissertation, sometimes even your resume - which during an interview is coined as a "Walk us through your resume please" request)?
The bottom line is that speaking out is a key element - and indeed the most common and popular means - of communication.
You. Have. To. Speak. Out. Your. Mind.
If you are not forthcoming with opening your mouth and voicing out what you think or know or want or belief or prefer, it's obvious that noone's going to understand where you are headed or coming from.
In short, I mean you will only succeed in making yourself misunderstood. They are going to read opposite or negative meanings to your silence, expectedly.
To buttress this angle, I have tried to examine below some of the messages you may actually be trying to pass across to other people and how they are most likely going to misinterprete them, due to your refusal to speak out.
Here we go.
You are silent only because you are not in support, or disapprove, of what's currently ongoing, but because you are neither vocally protesting nor providing an alternative view, everyone may assume that you have no objection to it.
In the next scenario, let's assume that a new partner or suitor etc is being presented to you for consideration or approval.
You know in your own mind you don't like the new person and you indicate this by saying nothing.
However, you have to understand that only you may be receiving your message, no one outside of you is seeing the light - and can you then wonder why they think that you are in agreement with the proposition and everything's okay?
At other moments, you may be aggrieved or offended by somebody or at something. Maybe you are only try to show your displeasure by refusing to participate in a discussion.
On some occasions - in particular when they are informal, concerning issues amongst friends or family , your mood may be correctly interpreted and recognized
They are familiar with and your moods, after all.
But! if you do the same in formal or public gatherings - like keeping mum during voice votes at club or party meetings - believe me, your silence will record no positive value and you won't be able to make a difference or get your preferences acknowledged. You will have to live with the consequences of your not speaking out.
What's next? You are by nature or by accident being cautious or careful.
You don't just want to rush into making a commitment or decision. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, is there?
Then you should SAY SO. Let people know why you are hesitating, inform them OPENLY why you think the decision on the matter should be delayed and carefully considered.
If you don't do that and all they receive from you are tight lips, they are not going to get your message and you are going to have to cope with the very demon you are afraid of.
To forge ahead, if we are on the subject of needing help and being persuasive, I don't know how you can achieve anything tangible by keeping silent.
To the best of my own understanding, whenever you need support, the best and most pragmatic way to look for it is to openly canvas for it - particularly by speaking out.
Your saying nothing and lack of engagement with other people won't get it for you. Instead it will create the impression, wrongly or rightly, that you don't think others are important to you, especially because you are indifferent and nonchalant to their views and needs (through keeping quiet and non-participation).
To move on, there are also occasions when what's being placed on the table can nearly knock the breath out of your chest, because they are so ridiculous and unbelievable.
Even, who knows except you, you may have come across matters like that before and you are aware they are fraudulent or impracticable.
Nonetheless, if you don't openly protest or counter them, no body will realize you are opposed to them.
As a result of your passive stance, those same ideas or issues you don't want will carry the day.
A final point to make here, is that your silence can happen because you lack adequate data on the issue on the table and you need more facts or information before you can commit yourself.
If this is the case, it's best you say so and openly request for more details. I am sure you will get them.
However, you should realize that if you don't talk it will be assumed you are on the same page with everybody.
And you should understand the implications of that: you can't complain after the deed has been done.
When you speak our your mind, your choice is declared and unambiguous.
Through this move you make your stand and position on issues very clear,both to yourself and to other people.
Therefore, as you have effectively declared your beliefs, your open contribution will help to bring positive change, especially by ensuring that the correct decision is taken.
Another benefit you gain by saying what's roaming in your mind is that it helps you to socialize more effectively.
For example, it will boost your efforts in sharing your ideas and connects you to people who are like-minded, who may be ready to collaborate with you to actualize ideas that are very dear to your heart.
Also, there's no better way in life to build trust than in the quality of what flows out of your mouth.
It will either prove you as a reliable or unreliable person.
For instance, if you are the type of guy who is honest, transparent, preaches what you do and vice versal, and you are known for fulfilling your promises, your credibility will soar to high heaven's.
Moreover, your speaking out can actually assist you to solve some of your pressing problems.
In fact, a common African proverb, in my own words, expresses the believe that when someone keeps his or her problems secret, it will never be solved.
Whether you agree to that or not, the fact remains that by interacting you can get access to a variety of ideas and possible solutions, especially from people who have had similar experiences in the past.
Going further, I recommend we ought to learn to make open self-expression or declarations regularly, particularly for those of us who are shy or self-doubting or suffering from inferiority complex, etc.
Believe me, it's a good practice that can help anyone to develop personal confidence and growth.
Through personal experience, I know it encourages reflection and introspection, makes you a better person by improving your self awareness and self-confidence.
Let's move forward.
If there's another important function of saying your mind, it' concerns the effective role it plays in resolving conflicts.
There's this Nigerian slang which says, it's better to jaw-jaw than to war-war, which means that it's better to discuss than to fight.
Whatever the problems or challenges could be - whether conflicts, ordinary quarrels or misunderstandings, disagreements, etc - I trust that honest and open discussions can always address and resolve them.
In addition, as the saying saying goes, there is power in the tongue.
I am sure that when you speak out your plans and goals, it has a way of giving you focus, of assuring you that you are truly onto something real and achievable.
I have felt it too.
It fills you up with a certain kind of psychological power surging through your mind and making you bold to assert and pursue your needs and desires.
Finally, it's true how bottling up your thoughts and ideas can plunge you into stress.
There's nothing close to opening up and ventilating your mind, or confessing your troubles, or voicing out your thoughts and emotions, that can help you to reduce or take away your stress and also give you emotional release and well-being.
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